The NBA Draft continually provides us with drama and comedy. Usually a good time.
This year we had about five guys that were interesting - Derrick Rose, Michael Beasley, O.J. Mayo, Kevin Love and Eric Gordon - and the rest of the draft was 6-foot-10 stiffs, undersized guards and foreign born players that won't pan out. A shallow, chlorine-filled pool of talent in 2008.
Also this year was reason 7,313 that the DVR is the best invention since pasta. Stuart Scott was hosting. Stephen A. Smith was interviewing. Dick Vitale was analyzing/yelling/having a heart attack. And Doris Burke was droning. Thank you fast forward button.
Case in point; after Chicago selected Derrick Rose first, Stu said something to the effect of, "Derrick's nickname is Pooh. As in Pooh Bear. His grandmother gave him the nickname because he loves candy. Pooh Bear enjoys sweets like honey. But I don't think anything can get ... sweeter than this."
A handful of thoughts on the draft.
• In Derrick Roses' entourage, two guys had on sunglasses. I was loving that. We also learned that Rose has a "Poohdini" tattoo on his shoulder. This revelation inspires a YBNBY contest. Any girl that inks on a "Poohdini" tramp stamp will receive a free YBNBY t-shirt and a date with Echowood.
• Jay Bilas compared number two pick Michael Beasley to Derrick Coleman and Roy Tarpley. Why don't you just assign him jersey number 13, toss a black cat in his path, sell Babe Ruth to the Yankees to finance a Broadway musical, jam pins in his voodoo doll and give him a hefty bag of cocaine. That may be the worst draft day jinx ever.
• I was watching the draft on the DVR so I was a bit behind. I was on the phone with my brother Chris, who was patiently waiting for me to get to our lame duck Sonics pick at four. "Are you there yet? You won't believe what we did. Are we on the clock?" At number four, the Supes take UCLA's Russell Westbrook. "Did you see it?!?" Yes, Chris, I did. Why not take Kevin Love? That would make too much sense. If you're going to take a guard, why not take the best guard available like Eric Gordon or D.J. Augustine? Again, that would be too smart. You don't take a defensive stopper in the top five. Nauseating.
• What is the over/under on O.J. Mayo being called "The J.R. Rider of the modern NBA?" I'll set the line at 3 ½ years. I have the under.
• Kevin Love may successfully reclaim the Color Me Badd beard from Kevin Federline. This could happen.
• The Knicks took the Italian Danilo Gallinari at number five. Followed by the New York faithful booing him like he was Mussolini. That was fun.
• While on the phone with my brother Drew, he made the observation "Has there ever been a bigger fall from grace for a commissioner than David Stern? He's booed everywhere he goes now." This is true. Once beloved, he's now derided. This is retribution for stealing the Sonics form Seattle and unlawfully giving them to Oklahoma City. I honestly believe that.
• While still on the horn with Drew, the Sonics took Serge Ibaka The Congo. Boo yeah! We then were shown some footage of Serge playing taken from a cell phone camera. It was the basketball equivalent of the Zapruder film. ESPN then showed his stats from a Nike summer camp. Never a good sign.
• Sacramento picked Patrick Ewing Jr. who wasn't good at Indiana. Wasn't good at Georgetown. And won't be good in the NBA.
• Next year I am making NBA Draft Bingo cards and am going to play with my buddies. With phrases such as;
"Like to thank God"
"Needs to work on"
"Best player available"
Then we listen carefully for when Jay Bilas says "He has great upside, a solid motor and freakish athletic ability..."
Good night and good luck.