Thursday, May 15, 2008

My Jessica Simpson Theory

I wouldn't have had any idea that Tony Romo broke up with Jessica Simpson, but it was mentioned on Pardon the Interruption. That, and she is on the list of the famous for being famous people that is difficult to avoid if you follow current events and pop culture.

I have had a theory about Jessica Simpson. The theory continues to prove true.

She divorces the 98 Degrees guy, who is a rubbish singer but seems to be good guy, thinking she can do better. Then she embarked on a series of high profile flings with high profile dudes. I had to look on Wikipedia, but they include Dane Cook, Adam Levine, John Mayer and others.

This is what is going to happen every time. The famous guy is going to date her because she is beautiful and has more curves than a crazy straw. But after the novelty of her beauty wears off and she starts to talk, it won't be long until they head for the nearest exit. It is going to continue to repeat.

I know she's gorgeous, but could you really handle having to explain everything to her day by day? It would be like a child without the cuteness of young curiosity. I couldn't handle it. Conversations with her would be like being trapped in an iron maiden. I once stopped seeing a girl in college when she asked what book I was reading and I replied "It's a collection of short stories from Ernest Hemingway." She looked puzzled and asked "Who's Vernal Hemingway." Thanks for coming over, love, it's time to go now. I couldn't date another girl because she was a cheerleader. Couldn't handle that. I have an ex-girlfriend that I had to temper conversations because she knew so little of the world. It was excruciating.

I think Tony Romo and John Mayer are no different than me. There's only so much stupidity a man can take.

But don't feel bad for Jessica, at least her acting career is taking off. She's a young Meryl Streep.

1 comment:

Chana said...

People should read this.