From the Nature/Sports Desk...
Nature/Sports correspondent Sedro Woolley phoned in to give us a quick rundown this past week's wildlife scoreboard and highlights.
All scores final.
Lions: 171 - Zebras: 0
Lions: 201 - Water Buffaloes: 1
A Namibian water buffalo scored a lucky horn to the abdomen of a lioness for their only point this week.
Mongooses: 3 - Cobras: 3
Some tight, bitterly fought matches resulted in a draw.
Mountain Lions: 1 - Hikers: 0
Dragons: 4 - Centaurs: Nil
Great White Sharks: 742 - Seals: 0
From the opening kick, the seals really never got the offense moving. In nature's version of the Harlem Globetrotters versus the Washington Generals, the seals overall record now stands at 0 and 91 million.
Cock-Fighting Roosters: 27 - Cock-Fighting Roosters: 28
Close match from Guadalajara Mexico.
Nile Crocodiles: 73 - Wildebeests: ½
11-Year-Old Boys With Slingshots: 2 - Robins: 0
Chupacabras: 11 - Goats: 0
Pet Pythons: 4,971 - White Mice: 1
A ball python named Jack Sparrow from Hot Coffee Mississippi choked and lost.
Hawks: 1,227 - Rodents/Snakes: Nil
Not even a combined rodent and snake squad could stop this desert blowout.
Humans: 702,478 - Delicious Cows: 3
Delicious cows got on the board after a brief stampede in Green River Wyoming. Memorial services for local cowhands Henry "Hank" Harrison, Luther Pearce and Samuel "Chainsaw" Bernstein will be held at the Green River First Episcopalian Church of Our Lord. Light refreshments will be served.